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Obituary of Common Sense



Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common
Sense Who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old
he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red
tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valued lessons as:
knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm,
and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound, financial policies (don't spend more
than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in
charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. It declined
even further when schools were required to get parental consent to
administer aspirin to a student, but could not inform the parents when a
student purchases a condom from the restroom vending machine or when a
student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the
Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became passive and
unloving, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. So,
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee is HOT, spilled a bit in her lap, and was
awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his
parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter,
Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by a stepbrother, My
Rights; and a stepsister, Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral
because so few realized he was gone.